It must be really chilly in London today, you can tell because Paris Hilton is wearing gloves. Apparently. Paris Hilton forgot to put her bra on this morning before she stepped out into the chilly streets of London. This of course would not normally be a problem, but she just happened to be wearing a black see-through dress. For those of you that haven’t seen Paris’s homemade porno “One Night in Paris”, here is your chance to see Paris Hilton’s boobs, enjoy. I know I did.

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Amanda Bynes shows off a little leg while leaving a night club with a friend, her friend looks fucking miserable. I guess going to a night club with a friend as cute as Amanda Bynes could be rather depressing. There is just something about the ex-Nickelodeon star that I find appealing, damned if I know what it is. It’s strange that she hasn’t starred in any new movies lately that weren’t aimed at teenage audiences.

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Amanda Bynes has ended things with boyfriend Doug Reinhardt who she believes was using her for “her celebrity,” according to Us Magazine:

“She ended it. She had had enough,” a source close to the actress tells Usmagazine.com. “Her friends didn’t trust him. Everyone thought he was using her for celebrity. He was not good, and she was over it. It was definitely her who ended it.”

Using Amanda Bynes for her celebrity. Jesus. Way to bark up the wrong tree. Then again, this guy dated Lauren Conrad. Also, he might’ve been on to something with Amanda. Check out her views on marriage:

“I feel trapped with the idea of marriage,” she said. “How can you really be with somebody forever? I’d get bored! As I get older, I don’t settle. I’d rather tell somebody, ‘This is what I want — take it or leave it.’”

Wow. It’s like we share the same thoughts. Marry me? – - Oh, right, all that stuff you just said.

Paris Hilton spent over two hours shopping at Arcade in Beverly Hills yesterday. And by shopping I mean she tried on clothes in the dressing room then tossed them on the floor for the peasants to bag up. Afterward, she handed her credit card out through the curtain which is, actually, kind of courteous hygienically speaking. On that note, Paris’ new haircut is prompting me to have a serious, heartfelt talk with my penis. *yells down pants* HERPES!

I think that went well.

These pictures were recently taken of Lady Gaga while she was in merry old (and cold) England. From the looks of these pictures, Gaga must have been there fighting crime or using super powers of some kind. She looks like she was stripped right out of a comic book.

New and more provocative paparazzi shots were taken of Whitney Port while in Miami filming scenes for her MTV reality show, The City.

Whitney Port had this to say about the incident on her blog:

“Okay so a couple photos were captured while I was in Miami that weren’t the most discreet and I’m sorry if they offended anyone but I got too caught up in the sunshine and the weather that I guess I wasn’t as cautious as I should have been.

Everyone knows the rough and tumble of the ocean mixed with a bathing suit — not the most attractive thing ever!  So sorry for the view…very embarrassing to say the least!

I guess all I can do now is laugh about it and move on!”

Whitney really shouldn’t be embarrassed by these pics at all. They make her look way better than the previous bikini shots posted. I would say this bikini fits her better, even though it obviously doesn’t.

These photos were taken while Whitney Port was filming scenes for her new “reality” show The City. Notice how the guy in the black shirt comes in during Whitney’s conversation with the young actor to tell her what to say. What kind of reality is that?

HBO premiered the third season of Big Love at the Arclight Theater in LA last night, and apparently, Chloe Sevigny thought Rome was coming back because she toga’d that shit up. Nice? In the meantime, I included pics of the other “wives” (Ginnifer Goodwin and Jeanne Tripplehorn) along with Amanda Seyfried just for the hell of it. That said, I’m not endorsing polygamy, but if you want to test it out in my hot tub, I do endorse religious exploration. And bubble fights.

Here’s Kim Kardashian at STK in West Hollywood last night. The girl likes her meat, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Except she’s filming a workout video, and her butt could theoretically double as a wrecking ball. Which would, actually, be all kinds of awesome. That way when people ask “Why the fuck is the girl famous?”, I can point to where a building used to be and say “Her ass did that.” Let’s make this happen. Get me the Public Works Commissioner on the line. Preferably drunk.

An increasingly thin Lindsay Lohan went shopping in Malibu yesterday with her sister Ali. Now, I’m not saying Lindsay’s starting to look unhealthy, but I guarantee she threw some elbows in the laxative aisle. “Coke-elbows, activate! Hey, Ali, who’s living Lohan now, bitch? KERPOW! Aw, no way, buy one get one free dental dams…”